guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
