I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
