What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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