if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
