you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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