Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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