hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
