Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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