When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
