this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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