umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
