Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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