He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We left an ass print on the piano.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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