ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
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btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
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I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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