haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
