Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
