things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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