No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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