When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
