At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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