I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
