Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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