I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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