Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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