If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
