got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize