GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
