i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
