god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
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