ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
