The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize