I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
