when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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