she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
