hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
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Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
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SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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