I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
