**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
