And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
