No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
