That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
