So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
