He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
