This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
