i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
