when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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