dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
