maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
