You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
