u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
