just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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