you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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