Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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