he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
