i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
he shaved USA in his pubs
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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