is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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