I'm jealous of your bromance
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
