have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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