xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
