Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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