he thought i was a dude.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
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I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
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What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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