Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
