Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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