just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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