I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Four minutes until I can fart!
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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