Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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