Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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